Just My Girl and I

This girl makes me laugh, gives me a reason to smile, keeps me going and is by far my greatest blessing in life. She is such a mommy's girl and I love it. It was her and I conquering the world for years before I met Greg. She was my buddy, my partner in crime. She has made me feel like I can tackle anything that is thrown at me. She made me strong when I felt weak and loved me when I felt unloveable. Amazing what such a tiny human can make you feel.
She turned 9 in December, 9 years old...I am halfway done raising her. How the heck did that happen?! It makes me so depressed. I don't want to ever be done raising her. As much as she drives me crazy sometimes, I cherish every minute of it. She is no longer a baby but becoming a young adult. I watch her become more independent and it makes me proud and sad.

Basketball

This year I was thrilled when Emily decided to play basketball! I am so proud of her. She goes to a different school than any of the other kids. She knows no one. And yet, she still chose to participate. I am trying not to be that parent that is always in their child's ear and telling them what to do or how to do it, but it is so difficult. Having played basketball myself for so many years, it is hard to just keep quiet. Greg suggested I just drop her off and leave during practices, but I can't do that. So, now I just walk the track that is above the court. That way I can watch and see can see me, but I can't just throw in my two cents!
She had her first game Saturday and did great. At the end of the video she accidentally knocks down her own teammate but stops playing to help her up! It was a proud moment!
She is the tallest one on her team, of course! I am just hoping she becomes less afraid of the ball as time goes on.

A Little Taste of Disneyland!

What a crazy week! This was my first time to Disneyland as well as Quinn and Emily's. We had so much fun, but man were we all exhausted afterwards! So much to do and see in such a little amount of time. The kids were so well behaved and everything went better than expected. I couldn't wait to get home but it was so sad to leave at the same time.
I planned ahead and had a town car pick us up and take us to the hotel from the hotel and then back to the airport on the day we left. We purchased shuttle passes for the days we went to Disneyland (so cheap!) And we had so many stores and such within walking distance of our hotel. I don't think I could have survived driving in that madness! Luckily, our hotel provided breakfast and dinner, so the only meal we had to worry about was lunch. Which, luckily our hotel room had a full kitchen, so we went and got groceries at Target that was 1 block from our hotel!
The kids utilized the outdoor pool at least 3 times a day, which the rashes all over them proved it! But they had to take advantage of the warm weather and pool as much as possible. It wasn't hot or cold...it was a perfect 80 degrees all 4 days we were there. Which, in return, made Oregon seem VERY cold when we returned!
I also discovered Italian Ice while down there! I am in love with those things...now if I could find them in Oregon, I would be a happy girl!
This was our first big vacation as a family. I never knew how much time and work went into planning a trip for 6. I think I was exhausted before we even left! But, I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Family Pictures

Our family pictures for this year! I think they turned out great! We started this tradition last year and I am kind of liking it! The kids were just excited that I scheduled them for September and not November this year (it snowed the day after we had them done last year!)

Adoption Emails

Today I decided to go through my email account and check out old emails. I came across emails from friends, family and even managed to look through the adoption emails for the first time ever. I had saved them because I knew that I wasn't thinking straight and would one day want to look at them. Until today, I couldn't look at them. Almost 7 years later...crazy!
The first few emails consisted of all the paperwork and legal aspects that needed to be handled. The last 20 were me asking a million questions to our adoption worker. Which, to this day, Gabby was amazing! I even referred one of my friends to her when she decided to place a baby up for adoption. In my emails, you could tell that I was so scared and second guessing my decision. Gabby was so gracious and so very understanding. Reading the emails took me back to that year and made me think of what I would have done differently. First off, I wouldn't have been so scared to talk to Kara's parents! I wouldn't have thought that I was a horrible mother for giving my baby up. And I would have loved to spend more time with Kara's parents and not been wallowing in my own pity. Was it a difficult decision? The hardest ever. Do I wish that I had changed my mind about the adoption? Nope! I get to watch how happy she is through pictures and videos and know that I picked the best life for her. Do I miss her? With all of my heart!
I remember going to the clinic to get my proof of pregnancy for the adoption process to start (I was already 4 months along when I finally went in.) I remember telling the lady that I just needed the proof of pregnancy for the adoption agency. The lady, who was probably in her late 60s, started crying. I think I must have looked at her funny because she grabbed my hands and said that I was the most selfless person she had ever met. I thought then that she must have been a crazy lady! Now, I understand that she has to see so many woman go through there looking for proof of pregnancy for abortions or who are looking for handouts and keep having kids to live off of the state. As a mother, I knew I couldn't give my child what they deserved...I was a single mother to one and was struggling.
I remember going to all of my doctors appts and not saying anything about giving my baby up for adoption because I felt ashamed. Not because I was giving her up to give her a better life, but because I got pregnant and couldn't provide for my child. The doctor came in the morning of my delivery, sat down next to me, held my hand and asked why I hadn't told her. With tears in my eyes I just shook my head. Her eyes welled up and asked if I had really thought about my decision. I shook my head yes. She then said that I was a great mother and could raise this baby too. I shook my head no. I remember her standing up, kissing me on my head and said I was the bravest patient she had ever had. She walked out just as Kara's birth dad walked in.
Kara's birth dad had stated from the beginning that he didn't want to hold her because he would get attached. As soon as she was cleaned off, the nurse placed her in his arms. He was in shock. And out he walked her our daughter in his arms to place her in the bed and wheel her out to meet her parents. I laid there crying as they stitched me back up.
Kara's parents were so kind to let us have some alone time with her before they left the hospital as a family 2 days later. I got to feed her, change her and love her. Those moments are forever in my mind. I didn't want to let her go and was fighting myself.
The next few days are a blur but I remember looking at her pictures and how happy all 3 of them were. It brought me peace.
I am still at peace with my decision. I do not, nor will I ever, regret my decision. I have 2 beautiful daughters, one whom is not with me. Which, I must say, they are both gorgeous! Emily knows about Kara. I decided it was easier to be honest about it. She asks me the typical questions about why and when can she see her. She often asks to look at pictures of her. Funny, when Kara was born, she looked NOTHING like me. Now, I think she looks more like me than Emily does!
What is the point of this blog...I guess to help other people who have gone through this process or are going through it. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say it was easy by any means, but it was the best decision. I just lucked out and gave her to the best parents!

Weight Loss

The past few months I have really been focusing on my weight loss. Why? I just woke up one day and decided that I needed to do this for my long term health. I have always battled weight issues. I have never been a small girl but I used to be in shape. When I was younger, I could run the mile in 8 minutes without getting overly winded. But, playing basketball year-round will do that! 

Emily took a picture of me in February and I couldn't even stand to look at it. When did I pack on this much weight? What the hell is wrong with me? As I watched my mom lose weight just by changing her eating habits, I thought, I could do that too! I want to stick around forever to torture my children as much as possible! 

In May I began this "diet." I use that word with caution. I have tried many diets and can stick to them for a few weeks, and then I get bored with it. Eating or drinking the same thing every day is so obnoxious. I decided to cut out all soda (including diet soda) and just count my calories. I try to stick to 1200 calories a day. I use an app called, "My Fitness Pal" which counts calories for you. It holds me responsible. Who knew a little app would do that?! The top pictures are from June...about a month into the "diet." The bottom pictures are from last week, As the picture stats, it's a little change, but making progress. I figured it is best to have the weight come off slowly and stay off, rather than dropping it quickly and gaining it right back. To date, I am down 70 pounds. I have a lot more to go, but I am feeling so much better! My energy is even up. 

Here's to hoping I continue this weight loss!

All Work, No Play

What a summer!! I knew it would be busy with just having family running the deli, but the amounts of madness and the massive amounts of business, no one was prepared for what hit us!
It was the best summer we have ever had, and boy did we feel it! Although, I must admit, we were much more rested and mentally prepared for it this summer. (Having the winter off did us a world of good!) The last few weeks of summer, Greg and I just worked straight threw with no days off, and that about killed us! We had decided that we needed to stay open 7 days a week during summer to add that money into the bank account to see if it would help. We decided that history showed Sunday's to be slower, so Greg would take Sunday's off and I would take Thursday's off. Also, it gave a day for Emily and I to have a mommy-daughter day every week. Well, Sunday's turned into CRAZY busy days and I would come home dragging my feet! So, by the end of summer, Greg and I decided that it was just going to be even more insane, and we would just suck it up and work straight through. We crashed out the day after Labor day. We got the kids on the bus to school and went back to sleep!!
We have one month left of work and as of November 1st, we will be closed for 4 months again! I am counting down the days. My house is showing my lack of being home...I can't remember the last time this house had a deep cleaning! But, my time off is coming and I can focus on the house and the kids again.
Speaking of kids, they are keeping me running!!! Liam is in debate again this year. He has practicing 5 days a week for right now and has his first tournament this upcoming weekend. His first debate is on police brutality. I am actually impressed with all of the info he has gathered. I told him to research both sides, as I know A LOT of really nice police officers, which you never hear about on the news.
Fiona is doing volleyball this year! She is only in 6th grade and playing on the 7th grade team. She, too, has practice every night. I told my mom that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because I feel like I am never home and always on the go. I have so much to do, and no time to do it. She told me to track my mileage and it would help me realize why I am never home. 105 miles one day on top of working a 10 hour day! Amazing I haven't lost my mind yet!
Emily...oh my sweet little Emily. She is 4'8 now and still growing! (Only a foot shorter than me!) Wearing size 6 shoes now! She says she hates school, but I think it is because learning doesn't come easy to her like it does Quinn. He flies through his work, where Emily has to really work hard at it. Greg and I keep telling her that she gets to take great pride in her work because of all of the time she works on it. We've also learned that I have to be the one to help her with her homework and not her dad! She listens to me and shuts down for him! (More of an emotional meltdown!)
This winter, Greg and I are going to start the adoption process for Greg adopting Emily!! We have changed her name at school already, but legally it is still listed as her birth name. She puts Emily Hill on everything and tells everyone she is a Hill!
I'm trying to think of anything else that has been going on, but heck if I know! It is all a blur this summer! Greg and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary! Of course we had to celebrate it a few days early because of kid activities but it was still nice! He took me to the place he proposed to me at.
In August, my grandpa passed away. It was expected. He was 91 and wasn't in the best of health. He developed memory issues and was so thin. My mom spent almost every weekend in Corvallis helping my grandmother take care of him (yes, he died at home...the home he built back in 1952!) All of his kids, grandkids and great grandkids (except for my sister) were all able to attend the memorial service. My grandmother turned 92 the week after. She is still in amazing health (Emily is officially taller than her!) She is such a strong woman and took care of my grandpa 90% by herself. If I could be half of the woman she is, I would be amazing!